my story
I always wanted to be a mom. For as long as I could remember. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.
My husband and I were fortunate to get pregnant very easily. Going into our first sonogram appointment, I was anxious. Would we hear a heartbeat? Would it be strong enough? Was this a viable pregnancy?
And yes, oh yes. There was a strong heartbeat. TWO strong heartbeats to be exact.
As I said, I always wanted to be a mom. But twins were never part of the plan. It's inevitable that life will throw us curveballs--and this was a big one.
I gave myself permission to freak out. I was lucky that I had tools in my back pocket, thanks to my training with my mentor, author Gabrielle Bernstein over the past decade. I put in the work towards developing greater self-awareness, presence, and tuning in to what I needed.
I let myself be angry, disappointed, to feel whatever it was that was coming up without judgment. I wasn’t a bad person for not immediately feeling happy and purely grateful. Sure I was grateful they were healthy. That we had gotten pregnant so easily. But not that there were two coming at once.
After taking time to process my emotions, I realized what everyone had been telling me. That of course I was having twins. I asked to be a mom and the universe said “Okay sure! Here you go! Have TWO!” I started to shift my perception. I considered how fortunate we were--in so many ways. Slowly but surely, the news settled. And over and over, I turned to my experience with coaching to help me through.
And I had the most remarkable pregnancy. Part of which I believe was a combination of luck, genetics and science. But I also credit my positive experience to my state of mind. I didn’t Google complications from twin pregnancies or spend hours looking on Facebook at all of the twins born way too early. With every successful doctors appointment, I was grateful.
My precious boys were born vaginally, an hour and a half apart, at full term. On Valentine’s Day nonetheless!
Having twins wasn’t going to be easy. And it wasn’t. It still isn’t. But before they were born I set a very clear intention. My babies would be okay if their mommy was okay. Happy mommy = happy babies.
With that in mind, one of my top priorities was to take care of myself, even in the face of chaos. I gave my babies formula in the hospital and didn’t feel guilty about it, despite the pressure of “breast is best” that seems to be everywhere. I skipped a couple of overnight feeds in the hospital so I could sleep. They had to stay in a special care nursery so they weren’t in my room 24/7--but even if they had been, I would have asked the nurses to take them for a bit so I could rest.
Being connected to my own needs made a huge difference. Knowing my babies were fed helped me relax. Getting those extra hours of sleep meant I could stay as calm as possible in those moments where I was really going to be tested. I was setting myself up to make this as successful a time as possible. For all of us. And it was.
There is not a doubt in my mind that the experience of being a mom to twins is more fun than it is hard because of the tools in my back pocket. I can't imagine going through this journey without having a spiritual practice. It's very simple: having a coach changed my life. So I became one.
So let’s connect. I’ll see you. Hear your challenges. And help you figure out what the real challenges are. Together we’ll create a roadmap that will lead you towards more peace and joy.